30 THOUGHTS

a story by;

Danny Perez

.( Number one thought; every year I took birthdays as a happy event a day worth celebration because it only comes once a year I look forward to celebrating my birthday every year. I acted like a kid when I was already an adult telling my love ones do they know the importance of the day coming up they would always say no just to tease me. The not knowing how where going to celebrate my birthday or the unexpected gifts are parts what made the event happy but as my birthday approaches again how come I have this feeling over me of I don't want to celebrate this one.

Thought 2#; why is it when you hit this number of age it gives you a different feeling than all the other ages. Every birthday before this one I was cool with I celebrated the moment. Why is it that I don't want to celebrate this one. How come I'm hating the fact that I'm turning this age. I didnt have this feeling this time last year so why now. How come this number has me feeling this way.

Third thought; is this feeling I have because when I was younger I use to think people who hit this age where old. Is this feeling I have because of the rumors I heard that happens when you turn this age. Like your whole life comes to an end. You can no longer enjoy the things you use to do because you are now this age. That the meaning of fun is taken away and replaced with responsibility.

Forth thought; when I turn this age am I suppose to be a whole different person. Am I suppose to do things different. How am I suppose to act when I turn this age. Am I suppose to act my age when I turn this age. What am I suppose to do when I turn this age.

Thought 5#; I wonder if the reason I started to workout is because of my fear of hitting this age. I've heard as soon as you turn this age you lose all your physical abilities once you turn this age you can no longer play any sports. Once you turn this age you can no longer pick up heavy stuff. Once you turn this age your stamina is gone.

Number six thought; am I working out because I'm proving to myself that when I do turn this age that I can still do these things. They say I cant. I can still lift weights as I did before. Am I now playing hours of basketball because I'm proving to myself that I can still hang with the youngsters. All the working out and playing sports am I doing it because I'm proving to myself that I still have the energy of a highschool teenager.

Number seven thought; when I turn this age am I suppose to throw out everything from my closet and get a new whole waredrobe. Am I suppose to throw away the baggy pants. Am I suppose to throw away my Joker, Lowrider, Tribal Gear clothing. Can I no longer wear jerseys because I am now this age. When I turn this age does it mean I can no longer tilt my hat to the side anymore. Do I have to get rid of the lugz now that I'm this age.

Thought 8#; now that I'm this age am I suppose to wear clothes that fit me at an exact. Am I suppose to have nothing but slacks in my closet. When I turn this age does that mean I have to go out to the store and buy a bunch of ties and coats. Am I suppose to wear a suit everyday when I turn this age. Now that I'm this age am I suppose to wear shoes that you have to get shined by a person.

Ninth thought; since I mentioned my closet am I also suppose to get rid of everything that is in my room. Now that I'm this age does that mean I have to take down my graffiti posters and smokeout concert poster. Am I suppose to get rid of my shot glasses now that I'm this age. Am I suppose to get rid of my Cheech and Chong bobble heads because I'm this age. Do I get rid of my lowrider models now that I'm this age. Do I get rid of everything I enjoyed when I turn this age.

Tenth thought; when I turn this age does that mean I have to listen to different music. Do I sell all my hip hop cds now that I'm this age. I can no longer listen to music about angst and frustration because I'm this age right. I can no longer listen to the party song because I'm too old for that music right. I'm suppose to listen to music that helps me relax because thats what people my age listen to right.

Thought 11#; when I turn this age does that mean I have to get rid of my sound system. People my age are not allowed to listen to music loud. Do I have to get rid of the rims because people my age don't drive around on rims. I cannot customize my car anymore because thats a youngsters thing.

Number twelve thought; now that I'm this age does it mean I have to drive the suv or the luxury four door car. When I turn this age does that mean I can no longer go cruising. My vechile is only suppose to be used for coming back and going to work or dropping people off who cant drive yet.

Number thirteen thought; now that I'm this age does it mean I can no longer have fun. Can I no longer go to house parties because I am this age now. Can I no longer go to the club because

I am this age. Can I no longer get drunk and wake up the next day not remembering anything that happened last night. Can I no longer dance real close to a woman because people my age don't do that anymore.

Thought 14#; now that I'm this age am I suppose to go to dinner or cocktail parties and sit there listening to intelligent conversations and be a participant of them. Am I suppose to go to dating events because someone my age is not suppose to be single anymore. When I turn this age does that mean I have to become a homebody.

Fifteen thought; me being this age now and the fact that I'm single do I change my single routine because I'm this age does it mean I have to sign up for dating web sites. Now that I'm this age does it mean all my social functions have to do with a blind date or a friend whos trying to hook me up with there friend. Do I have to be with someone when I turn this age. When I turn this age does it mean I cant no longer go into chat rooms to find some fun. When I turn this age does it mean I can no longer go have fun with someone I just met. Turning this age does it mean I have to change my single ways.

Sixteen thought; turning this age are you really given a lot more responsibilities like I've heard. Am I suppose to be on the internet doing trades on the market. Am I suppose to read newsweek or time magazine. Am I suppose to have a portfolio. Do I have to have a car payment, a house payment, credit card payments. Am I suppose to have all these things because I am now this age.

Thought 17#; am I suppose to think about retirement now that I'm this age. Do I ask for a 401k or an ira now that I'm this age. Do I have to make a certain amount of money when I turn this age. Do I have to look for the right interest rate now that I'm this age. Do I have to walkout of my place with a briefcase in my hand. I don't drink coffee but everyone my age seems to drink coffee so does that mean I have to drink coffee also. Do I have to be at a job I don't like because thats my new responsibility now that I turn this age.

Eighteen thought; when I turn this age am I suppose to let go of my appearance like I've heard. I already have grey hair do I just resign to letting it have more. Do I let my hair grow because the shaved head thing is only for the youngsters. I have a little bit of a gut am I suppose to leave it because I am now this age. Do I not care about appearance now that I turn this age.

Nineteen thought; do I take away parts of my youth when I turn this age like my earrings do I always cover up my tattoos now that I'm this age. Before I felt pride of my tattoos now am I suppose to feel shame when I turn this age. It seems to happen to everyone who turns this age so why should I be different.

Thought 20#; when I turn this age am I suppose to always think about the future and forget about living in the moment. Do I spend my nights planning out all my future expendatures predicting how much everything is going to cost and how things are going to happen. I'm I not allowed to enjoy my moment instead I have to be thinking about what I'm going to do next week because I'm this age now.

Number twenty one thought; now that I'm this age my life is suppose to be routine and predictable. Theres no longer surprise or out of nowhere because thats for younger people. No more throwing caution to the wind. No more for the hell of it because I'm not that age anymore. Now that I'm this age everything is suppose to be planned.

Twenty two thought; now that I'm this age does it mean I'm suppose to have the white picket fence, two cars, a homemaker wife, two point five kids, the nine to five job. The American dream supposely. Is this the dream I'm suppose to have now that I'm this age.

Thought 23#; when I turn this age does that mean I can no longer dream of meeting that wow girl of mine a woman thats vibrant free caring is spontanous and fun loving. A woman who can make me laugh who can help to take the weight off my shoulders I cant have that dream anymore because I have to just be with someone now that I'm this age.

Number twenty four thought; am I really suppose to have kids when I turn this age. Everyone who turns this age seems to have kids is that why they give me a surprised look or weird reply when they find out I don't have kids. I'm I suppose to feel weird that I don't have any kids. Am I a freak of nature because I don't have kids and I'm suppose to now that I'm this age.

Number twenty five thought; now that I'm this age am I suppose to talk about the things I use to do like it was ancient history. Now that I'm this age I can no longer have adventures I cant do things that will give me new stories to tell because thats only for younger people. When I turn this age am I suppose to be too old to be doing those things.

Thought 26#; when I turn this age does that mean I have to get rid of my night owl personality because people my age are suppose to be asleep bye nine o'clock, I cannot no longer work the night shift because I'm too old for that. I cannot no longer be up at three a.m. having an awesome conversation with a woman because I'm too old. My life can no longer start at night because of the age I am now.

Twenty seven thought; when I turn this age does that mean I have to forget about all the ages I was before. Can I no longer feel excitement now like when I did when I was ten going to Disneyland for the first time. Can I no longer feel nervous now like when I did when I was a teenager wondering if she likes me. Can I no longer feel optimistic about life now like when I did when I was in my early twenties.

Twenty eight thought; am I putting in way too much thought into this whole turning this age thing.

Thought 29#; am I really over the hill when I turn this age. Am I really that old like I thought people where when I was younger. Does my life really change that dramatically when I turn this age. Do I forget everything that has happened before when I turn this age.

Number thirty thought; I'm not going to lie the thought of becoming this age hit me a couple of times when I was younger but when I thought about it it was way different than what it is. Now that I'm this age does it mean because I'm not at where I thought I'd be that I'm a disappointment. Something I can be thinking about until the next dreeded mark of birthday if I live that long. God willing).

THE END.