My life is not as complicated as I think it is. In a way, I am extremely spoiled for thinking that I need more. What can I do about it? But think as if it was your life, You live in a nice home, your parents are not abusive, you have two sister and one brother what else do I need?
The thing is that from one point of view, I have one disappointing father, a mother that do too much but always get time to put other things behind her and drink coffee and gossip with her friends, a big sister that I look up to and she doesn't even care, a brother that have mental disability to communicate with the community and a extremely annoying little sister that can twist everyone on her pinky, but somehow I still love her. Where do I fit in their world? Between my big sister that live in the other side of the world, small brother that keep getting all the attention either if it good or bad. Between my parents and my little sister that don't give a shit about anyone!
I guess you will think that I have good friends and perfect social life, like all the other character. Well let me tell you something- I DO NOT! Everyone that I think of my best friend, either they give up on me or got someone better then me. I am paranoid so I think that everyone hates me. I am not that pretty. I don't think I have a great personality.
The worst par is that my sister always says that I want to be popular and that's why I go to make friend with the "popular people". I guess I want to be belonged somewhere. Every time that I feel belong something happens. Either I need to leave the place, or I get into a fight or even, and this happens most time, they get bored with me and just move on, then when I get annoyed by the fact that people are just leaving I ask them why they did it and annoy them even more, which drive them away. Unlike a normal person that just move on to another person, I get depress, my self esteem drop down like a rollercoaster and I become worst. Is it that wrong asking to have a best friend that will love you and be beside you, literally and mentally, never leave you and help you with life?
Sometime I just think that I'm alone in this world, no one is there to help me. Everyone that o actually get close to, start to realize the real me and just run away? What the hell is wrong with me?! Why cant people stay for more then 6 month with me? As much as I try it just doesn't help! I want to be the real me, but people don't like it. I feel like a loner. People run away when they meet me. Do I want something that it's hard to get? Was I born an outcast? Why am I someone that no one wants, why is what I want impossible to get?