THE SEED FARM

A True Story of Missed Red Flags

CHAPTER 1

The Start

Boy! Do I have a story for you! It started 12 years ago and in the past two months it all came to an end.

As many adults do after work, I would stop by the local bar to unwind with a beer. I have been going to this place for 12 years now. One night, I noticed an attractive new bartender not named “Renna”. She was very polite and we started having conversations about her tattoos. (Keep in mind people, this is a story all about missed “Red Flags”.) I often enjoyed our conversations and jokes, but I knew where to draw the line since I was married at the time and she was dating another customer. Her tattoos consisted of all the Disney Princesses covering her arms. There was Bella, Cinderela, Sleeping Beauty, you name them, she has it! However, the one tattoo on her neck is the one that concerned me the most! She had other random ink that was difficult for me to decipher. RED FLAG #1: I should have realized that grown women who have Snow White eating a poison apple was a dead giveaway that she could still be immature or dangerous! She also had a fascination with owls and she had beautiful work done to express her love for them. RED FLAG #2: She did not make that much money so how did she afford to pay for the good artwork? I’ll come back to that one later.

As the weeks went on with great conversations and laughter, we grew close, and I started to go every night as my marriage slowly started to dissolve and eventually led to our divorce.

During and after my divorce from my wife of 27 years, I went through the grieving process but continued to stop by the bar to see Renna. We were becoming close friends and I was surprised to learn that she got married a short time back and was now going through a nasty divorce of her own. When she was planning her wedding, the grabber offered to host the event at her rather large home. Renna accepted and so the planning continued. Attendees told me that her friends trashed the place and the grabber was pissed! RED FLAG #3: She was only married for less than a year to this man who she met at the bar! I heard a story that she was friends with another man before she got married. He would come to see her during his lunch break, and they became friends. She invited him and his then wife to her wedding. Apparently, his wife saw something happen between Renna and her husband and she flipped out and confronted Renna. It is rumored there was some inappropriate contact between Renna and her guy friend while she was getting dressed for her wedding. The only people allowed to see Renna were her bridesmaids and him while she was in her bra and panties! I can’t count this one as a RED FLAG because I just recently learned this and after all, hearsay is hearsay...

I will admit, her divorce trumps mine since her now ex-husband developed into a stalker. He even went to the lengths to pull a gun on her and her teenage son in the back seat of her car. RED FLAG #4: If another man is desperate enough to go to that dark place in his mind, someone drove him there! I condemn any type of domestic violence but they just got married and bought a new home and in less than a year, she files for annulment.

During her proceedings, she also started seeing the wedding guy who was going through his own divorce and needed a place to stay. RED FLAG #5: Are you seeing a pattern here? At least I know why she and her new man both divorced from their spouses. RED FLAG #6: If a woman can hop right into the arms of another man quickly after a divorce or break up, she can’t process her emotions and has no way to cope with the idea of being alone! But she did get to keep the house! Oh! The home is located in a city I refer to as “North Mexico”. It’s an easy hour drive to her work and the gas expense had to be draining her account.

During her divorce, Renna decided it’s ok for the wedding guy to move into her and her now ex husband’s home and live with her and her son. This should be considered RED FLAG 6.5: How could a mother invite a strange man into her son’s safety net called home? In the meantime, I continued to come to the bar because there are a ton of people with so many different stories and personalities. It became addictive to see what someone would do or hear what they would say next!

CHAPTER 2

“The Regulars”

This bar is always full of regulars daily and nightly. There is a commercial pilot who always was open to a good laugh. Sitting next to him is a retired city worker who loves cows and would interrupt other patrons’ meals by telling them off color jokes to complete strangers. He is a really nice person whose heart is in the right place! He considered himself the Ambassador to the bar and greeted everyone that came through the door much like they did when Norm walked into Cheers. Next to him is a retired city inspector who reminds me of Wyatt Earp with his long bushy mustache and his slight twang in his voice. And then we have a man who I call the “listener”. He would do his best to listen to other people’s conversations. If there was a juicy bit of information, he would go to other establishments and spill it! I will tell you his wife to this day cracks me up with her borderline obscene words that come out of her mouth. I call her the “Grabber”. She constantly is poking and touching in places where one does not want to be touched in public. There is an older gentleman referred to as “Crabby Patty”. He is incredibly grumpy, and he always shows up for one pint then he leaves for the next place. Finally, there was a woman who we called the “instigator”. She intentionally tries to butt in everyone’s conversation and inject her negative opinions. There are many more people for me to introduce you to but hey, this is a story that must end at some point. Nevertheless, each of these people relied on one thing to help them get over whatever stress took place in their lives that day. Renna was always ready to pour you another beer or a glass of wine and people loved her for that even though she disliked most of them intensely.

As time went by, each day I was eager to get finished with work so I could get to the bar for tonight’s drama. I found it entertaining how people talk openly about another person’s troubles. Heck, I am guilty of doing the same thing. The one lesson I learned from there is never talk politics or religion while sitting at a bar! It can get ugly real fast! Renna always had the TVs on sporting events or car shows and never news or stations that could cause trouble. She is a very smart woman but with horrible tendencies.

As time continues to move on, I recall numerous conversations we would have as our flirting grew more intense. We would play casino games on our phones, and she made sure to come over to gently touch my hand as she grabbed my phone to play a couple of games. Seed planted! During this time, she started talking badly about her current relationship with the wedding guy. Renna started regretting allowing this man to move into her home. She told me he is becoming resentful and argumentative over the dumbest stuff. For example, she loves to play board games and game night was her favorite past time. If her man ever lost at anything, he would become enraged and leave the table to go pout in the corner chair. She went on to tell me he never pays for anything including the car they purchased together. She even had the audacity to talk about the size of his organ and make fun of it! RED FLAG #7: Ladies, nothing can hurt a man more than his girlfriend telling others about the size of her boyfriend’s manhood! I knew she was immature! Eventually, the wedding guy’s habits or faults began to wear on her and one day after her shift, we sat and talked more about our lives and the changes we want to make to feel happy again. That’s when I did it!

CHAPTER 3

The Kiss

We were sitting talking about stuff and she got off the stool to go to the bathroom. I followed and when she came out, I grabbed her and kissed her! I had to make sure no one saw us but it was an amazing kiss. The kind that you never forget and you could see in her eyes that she was just swept off her feet! Things were never the same after that kiss and our lives were about to change forever!

Later that day, we continued to flirt and talk about whatever was on our minds. She let her hair down and relaxed. The bar was slow and some of her friends came in and sat next to us. I specifically recall a conversation she had with her close girlfriend. Her friend asked Renna “what are you going to do about your situation with your boyfriend?” Renna sat back on her stool, adjusted her hair and said, “I don’t care anymore about him, I just want to get fucked!”. RED FLAG #8: When a woman who is 45 years old makes a statement like that out loud, sharpen up your intuition skills because mine were dull as hell!

Later that night, we all went to an outside venue down the street to hear music and throw back some more beers. As darkness fell over the place, we could not keep our hands off each other. I started to feel bad because she has not officially broken up with the wedding guy so I said something to her about that. She took out her phone and walked away from the deafening music. A few minutes later she returned and said to me “well that problem is solved.”. RED FLAG #9: If you break up with your significant other over the phone, this shows that you have zero ability to handle in person confrontations. Oh! I forgot to mention that a month or so before she pulled the phone bomb on him, the wedding guy started working at the same bar she did. RED FLAG #10: Do not ever work with your partner because it never works out in the end! Back to the music place! We were lovey dovey and when it was time for me to go home, we embraced again and she grabbed my hand and placed it down her shorts. RED FLAG #11: Again, when a 45 year old woman has the gumption to do this in a parking lot of a bar, shame on me for allowing it! However, I thought it was hot!

CHAPTER 4

The Rumor Mill

Well, I was hoping to keep our growing relationship on the down low but that was hopeful thinking on my part. The next day I show up at my usual time and was greeted by the most amazing smile beaming from Renna. I admit I gave it right back to her. I sat down at the bar and she immediately poured me a beer. As I sat and talked to her, I could feel the eyes from the regulars focused in my direction. The word got out that we hooked up at the place down the street last night and the news made it to her now ex boyfriend’s ears who worked in the kitchen. Renna could have cared less if people found out about us. RED FLAG #12: If a woman who just broke up with her man the day before says that she does not care, then she never really had true feelings for him. The news of us spread through the neighborhood fast as anything that I could imagine. All the regulars at the bar came up to me and shook my hand as if they were congratulating me for landing the catch of the year! I mean she is pretty and had a decent body at the time for her age. So, thanks? Not really anything one can reply or say with all the celebration going on. However, there was one person who hinted that I may have gotten into something seriously bad. I was blind, deaf, and dumb and blew it off.

As the nights went on, we would make arrangements to meet at a local park to get some alone time after her shift. Like clockwork, she would show up and come sit next to me and we just went right for the soft meaningful kisses ! One night we were laying on a blanket, fully clothed thank you, and you could hear her favorite bird atop a power line. “Hoot, Hoot, Hoot”. This is where the owl comes back into the story. She felt it was a sign of approval for what we were doing. As if it was permission to move things forward between us. Well things started to get very odd as the week went by. Coincidently, in the Native American culture, the owl represents death and is considered to be an evil spirit.

One day, Renna made an appointment to go get another tattoo. This one was right between her augmented breasts of a flower. I accepted the fact that she was determined to get this new tattoo but I had a hard time after the work was done when she mentioned something to me after the fact. She told me that the artist she went to sleeps with his clients as a form of payment. RED FLAG #13: OK! I know what you’re thinking. Why the hell would I continue exploring this relationship further if I had suspicions that’s how she paid for the work? I was in love and trusted her pure and simple! Besides, she also got my long initials tattooed on her left forearm at the same time. Kind of flattering but I know, it’s RED FLAG #14: If she gets a tattoo of your initials which are “TMNBTF” on her body, she may be trying to stake claim on you. I just let it go but people noticed her new work and started asking questions.

So many rumors started to turn ugly about her and I. The Regulars at the bar had our situation on their minds and they were spewing their opinions about it nonstop all over this town. “How could he be doing this to her ex?”. “Renna is hooking up with a married man and he should know better.” Keep in mind people, I was officially and legally separated from my now ex-wife. I considered myself to be on the open market and available. Renna and I pushed aside their nastiness and went forward together.

CHAPTER 5

Honeymoon Phase

As we progressed in our new relationship, we enjoyed life again as if we were both dead inside and a gust of fresh air brought us back to everything good in the world. For weeks we would meet at this park and talk about the thousands of conversations the regulars were having about us while the owl who was positioned closer as if it wanted to listen in. Eventually I started to make the drive to North Mexico and spend every morning with her from 4am until I had to get ready for work.

Each time I drove there I found myself looking in my rearview mirror a lot. I was thinking about her ex-husband’s stalking abilities and I was concerned his focus was now aimed at me even though there was no evidence of this. Nevertheless, I continued to make the drive in record time! When I arrived at her home, she provided me with a garage door opener to make it easy to come in quickly so we can get at it! Months went by with us being together like this. I admit it got to be tiresome, but the sex was good and I could afford the gas and I was starting to fall more in love with her!

Now that we became exclusive and trust has been established, I had no issues with her pre-planned vacation to Hawaii with her kids and brother. I did not anticipate how our story would take such a twist with a horrific accident.

CHAPTER 6

Aloha

On the day of Renna’s departure to Hawaii, I offered to pick everyone up at the North Mexico home and take them all to the airport. I made sure to load everyone’s bags and when I grabbed Renna’s bag, I had to use the majority of my strength just to lift it into the back of my truck. RED FLAG #15: If a woman has to pack every piece of clothing she owns for a 6 day trip to paradise, she is most likely indecisive and cannot plan accordingly to any situation. I mean, my God, Imelda Marcos had less shoes than Renna! After I dropped everyone off at the terminal, we hugged and kissed and said our goodbyes. I was sad and upset as I could see tears falling down her cheek as she turned and headed for the door. Oh, I had to summon a bellhop to come cart her luggage to check in station. I did not want to hurt my back! Lol.

After I left the airport, I headed to work sad as fuck! It was the longest day ever and I could not concentrate on my tasks. It was as if a large piece of my heart was missing and I could not find it. All I could do is text her a hundred times telling her “I already miss you!”. It was comforting when she replied with photos taken of her as she was boarding her flight balling because she was missing me too.

That evening I wanted to get my sorts back and to be where I am so used to seeing her, so I stopped on my way home to her bar. As I expected, all the Regulars were there including the wedding guy. Awkward! When I arrived, the backup bartender knew my situation and how upset I was. She quickly grabbed a large glass and filled it to the rim with beer. Hank Williams Sr.’s song “Tear in my beer” was playing over and over in my head and I paid little attention to the “Grabber” who was chatting my ear off! I stayed longer than I had planned because all I wanted to do was see her, to make eye contact with her, and to take in her smile again! Instead, what I encountered was the wedding guy’s death stare and his pitiful attempts to gain the approval of the Regulars by telling his story to all! I had enough so I left for the night.

I entered my house crying like a little girl. I managed to make a light dinner and took a few bites. I cleaned up my mess and headed for bed knowing Renna’s flight had taken off. I even downloaded an app that tracks flights, and I found my eyes locked on a small plane following a line over the middle of the ocean while lying in a lonely bed. I felt idiotic and tried to get some sleep. You know when you’re upset and you toss and turn all night? I found myself twisted up in my sheets because I could not stop wanting to be with her. I finally gave up the idea of sleep so I binged on Netflix until the sun came back around to greet another Saturday morning. Knowing that I have to endure this feeling of sadness for a week, I tried to keep myself busy but nothing worked. Then came the text message!

CHAPTER 7

The Text Message

I remember it clearly; my cell phone was playing her ringtone and my heart skipped a few beats as I rushed to read her text. The words she wrote me caused me to immediately panic! “Baby, I fell and I’m being transported to the hospital right now”. I could not believe what I read! I quickly called her brother, but he did not answer so I went down the line of her relatives who were with her on this trip. Finally, I reached her 26-year-old son who explained to me what happened.

Renna and her family were in downtown Honolulu walking the streets shopping. The next store they wanted to go to was a mile down the street. They came upon a group of rental scooters and decided to hop on and go for a ride. At the time, Renna suffered from Tachycardia (Rapid heartbeat). Well, during her scooter ride, her heart started to beat so fast she passed out and hit her head breaking her orbital bone that caused multiple brain bleeds. While she was unconscious, she had to be dragged off the street just before the oncoming traffic ran her over. Thank God there are good people in this world! Her family did not see her fall because they were further up the street and she was going fast trying to catch up. RED FLAG #16: Never ride a sketchy scooter knowing you have a heart condition that Doctors warned her not to do any activity that can cause her to become over excited. She did not listen to that advice! I was so worried about her knowing that she almost died, I immediately booked a flight and a room in the same hotel that they were staying at. I was relieved to learn that she only had to stay one night for observation in the hospital. The next day I was on my way!

“Good morning ladies and gentlemen, this is your Captain speaking from the flight deck. We are about to start our decent into Honolulu. We are arriving on time and thank you for choosing Southwest Airlines!”.

What a long flight! I was scared, nervous, and stressed out all at the same time. Come on people, get your shit out of the overhead bins and move! I finally made it to the hotel and as the Uber driver told me “Good luck man!” I quickly checked in and rushed to her room! “Knock, knock”. Her oldest son answered the door and I came in and saw Renna laying in bed with a nasty black eye and a swollen eyelid. I mean this thing was 100% closed! It looks as if she lost a female MMA fight in the first round! After learning more of what happened, she agreed to gather her things and stay with me in my room a few floors higher.

I flew 1,500+ miles to make sure she was taken care of and so her kids could still go on the excursions they planned and take comfort in knowing someone was taking care of their mother. So that’s what I did!

The first thing she wanted to do was to take a shower. I turned on the water and brought it to a comfortable temperature. She walked slowly over and I disrobed her carefully not to cause her any pain. She stepped into the shower and I started carefully washing her hair. “OMG!” Renna asked emphatically “what?”. I told her “I just saw a large clump of blood fall off your head”. Apparently, the triage nurse missed cleaning it entirely! I stood there and watched it serpentine like a snake heading towards the drain. Gross but so cool! We managed to finish cleaning ourselves up, dry off, and get in sleeping clothes. She was on so much pain meds that she had no problems fading out! Me? I just laid there a stared at her thinking she is so beautiful even though she looked as if she was a rodeo clown who failed to do their job and took one for the team! I fell asleep and looked forward to taking care of her in the morning!

I did the best I could keeping her spirits up. Some days we would lounge by the pool watching the low heavy clouds embrace the tall mountains or we would take short walks on the beach talking about random things. Even though this trip was intended for her to spend quality time with her family, we found ourselves growing closer!

As the trip was close to ending, Renna had to get permission from the ER doctor to fly! That took forever! Our flight was leaving the next day, and the Doctor was apprehensive about her being at a high altitude. They took one more x-ray and they finally cleared us to go! Phew! I spent $1,000 for the room, $950 for the flight, and countless incidentals to keep her fed and comfortable. I did not want to extend our stay any longer! Off we went!

CHAPTER 8

Staycations

So, we return from her disaster of a trip, and we settled back into what is quickly becoming our normal life together. Since she was recovering from a serious trauma, I offered for her to stay at my home so she can be taken care of along her path to getting better. She agreed and so the comingling begins! Over time, she improved and her black eye was slowly escaping from her face. She was pretty again! I was so glad that her black eye was finally gone! Every time we were in public places, I would get mean looks from other ladies as if I were an abusive husband! Renna started staying at my home more often. Why not? I live less than 2 miles from her work vs the 43 miles from her home in North Mexico. It just made sense, so we moved in together. RED FLAG #17: If a woman wants to move in because she finds it convenient that her commute is cut down by 90% instead of wanting to be with the person she is in love with, there may be an issue!

As we grew closer, we planned fun staycations at local resorts to blow off some steam from the stress we both have been thru. On one of these trips, I booked a room at a up scale resort so we can hang out and people watch with beers by the pool. People, it’s hot where we live! At night, we had the best time exploring each other’s bodies and simply having fun! I got to know each and every Disney Princess tattoo on her and the large owls staring through my sole. The next morning, we planned to go to a nice breakfast and talk about the fun we had the night before. She was enjoying her coffee as the food was being delivered. Suddenly, she turned pale and said she needs to lay down because her heart rate was acting up. I became panicked and said “ok, I’ll go check us back into the room”. She stated, “there is no time for that”. We got up from the table and went to the reception bench where she laid down and became incoherent when she spoke. I am also a heartbeat away from calling 911 but she insisted it will go away. Her apple watch tracked her heart rate at 210 bpm and she was not doing anything but laying down. RED FLAG #18: I know, I can’t hold this against her but after she moved and laid down on the cold restaurant tile floor in front of other patrons, I officially became a caregiver. All of a sudden, she pops up and says “ok, I feel much better”. I was so stressed out over this event but I was more pissed glancing back at our table and seeing flies swarming over our $19 bacon and her banana waffles! That was $135 meal we won’t ever enjoy! Don’t worry people, more red flags are coming!

CHAPTER 9

Bang at the door

Ok! This experience was odd to go thru! To get us out of the house, I booked another staycation at a local casino hotel for some unwinding time and hoping for some good luck! We went to dinner and then tried roulette, slots, and some blackjack. I killed it and won close to $1,500. She did not do so well and became bitter and drank more. We finally ended the night and went up to our room. We did adult things to each other and then watched some TV to fall asleep.

We both are sound asleep, so I thought. “BANG! BANG! BANG! I woke up and looked at the clock and saw it was 2:30 am. I was surprised to see that Renna was not in bed so I went to the door to see who it was. I looked thru the peephole and saw two security guards and what appeared to be a woman with her head down. Keep in mind that looking thru a peephole of a hotel door is a fisheye perspective so it was hard to gauge what actually was going on. I opened the door and was indeed greeted by two security guards and Renna who had one of the guards uniform jackets draped over her. A guard asked me “does this woman belong in this room?”. I was still coming out of a deep sleep and I said “yes she does” and asked “what was going on? “. Well, I guess alcohol and her heart medicine is not compatible and in the middle of the night, she got out of bed, took off her clothes then proceeded to exit the room naked. She made it all the way down to the casino floor looking for me not having a clue where she was or how she got there. RED FLAG#19: I understand that she needs to take her pills, but she should have read the label on the side of her medication. I guarantee it says to avoid alcohol. I am now starting to see the entire picture of her. Like looking at a puzzle you spend countless hours on and automatically knowing exactly how the remaining pieces fit. This is when my interest in continuing our relationship was dwindling. But I continued to stay with her because she is a very loving person who cared for me and my needs. What can I say? I’m a man!

CHAPTER 10

Boxer Shorts

Her now 27-year-old son works downtown at a speakeasy and we decided to go visit him and have some drinks and dinner. We were chatting with her son, who is also a bartender, go figure! We took our time ordering food and I wanted to try a nice $120 seafood tower and she was content ordering chicken strips. RED FLAG # 20: Who the fuck orders chicken strips at an upscale establishment? She hates seafood and will not touch it. Whenever we cook meat on the BBQ, I put her steak or burger on the grill 20 minutes before mine so her meat is tougher than a dead roadside racoon baking in the sun for days! I would buy $50 fillets and it did not matter to her! If she saw blood on her plate, she said “hell no. Nuke it!”. Back to the reason for this chapter! So, we are at the bar. I am enjoying the ambiance and the seafood tower. She is chomping on her chicken strips like they were fresh out of a McDonald’s deep frier. All of a sudden, she gets up and says, “I’ll be right back”. A few minutes go by as I sit talking to her son, and I see my phone light up. She texted me from the bathroom saying she needs help. Umm, OK? I excuse myself from the stool and place a napkin over both of our drinks and head to her. When I got to the woman’s restroom door, a female came out and the look on her face was pure disgust. I asked the woman if it’s ok if I go in? She replied that “there is only one other person in there” so I knew it was Renna so I enter.

Oh my God! I walked into fucking mess! I was taken aback when I saw she failed to make it to the toilet. You can imagine the scene on the bathroom floor! RED FLAG #21: I could see that she was embarrassed so I immediately went to work cleaning the floor so others that may come in would not mention this incident to her son. I got it all taken care of and I washed my hands for what felt forever. Her white Daisy Duke shorts could not be made presentable. RED FLAG #22: Look Ladies, if you have a killer butt, there is no need to flaunt it to other men or women. Keep that solely for your man or woman to enjoy! Trust me, we still look at our partners parts!

Now I had to figure out how to get her home without people noticing her with no bottoms on. I tossed those in the garbage like they were a baby’s soiled pampers! I came up with the idea that I could take off my brand-new boxers and go commando so she could feel safe to been seen in public as we wait for our Uber. Before I did that, I went back to the bar and paid the bill and when I returned, I quickly went into a woman’s stall and undressed. The boxers I gave her were black and after she put them on, they looked like spandex and she was comfortable wearing them in public. I left her on the bench in the restaurant lobby so I can go tell her son that she was not feeling well and we were heading home. Standing outside of the restaurant waiting for our Uber, the cold wind reminded me that I’m free down there. During our ride home, I felt bad for her and I could tell she was humiliated once again. I really care about this person who seemed to care about me. We never spoke about this incident again! We simply moved on with our lives!

CHAPTER 11

Merry Christmas

I love the holiday season like the majority of all other people in this country and around the world do. Renna and I liked to go to home improvement stores to find our own way to decorate for the holidays. I mean I don’t intend to sound pretentious, but my house is big! We ended up setting five Christmas trees throughout the house. It was literally the North Pole in this place! The one thing that always happened when we were out and about, is she would always see a guy she knew. It became a standard thing no matter where we went. RED FLAG #23: When your girlfriend recognizes other men everywhere and she plays it off that there are her customers from the bar, take a step back and think! Once again I blew it off. One day we were shopping for a new king bed and dresser. We were looking at the mattresses and she proceeded to hop on a king size Sealy and simulated having sex in front of total strangers. RED FLAG #23.5: Wen a grown woman is acting like this in public, immediately turn and head for the door!

We started decorating for the holidays in October. Yeah, I know! RED FLAG #24: When you’re used to doing what every other American family does and wait until December 1st (my birthday) to start getting the home ready for Christmas, don’t change your habits and start before Halloween!

On Christmas morning, we invited her family over to join us for breakfast and shortly after, we started tearing through paper like 10 year old children! The 8’ tree was dwarfed by all the presents around it. I mean it was crazy! We designated her youngest son and his girlfriend at the time to play Santa and go one-by-one handing out gifts to each other. It came time for Renna and I to share gifts and I was surprised to see that she bought me a kick ass drum set! Red Flag# 25: I have no clue how to play the drums! But they were cool to look at! In turn, I purchased a $4,000 cruise and flights for us to go to the Western Caribbean islands of Amber Cove, Dominican Republic, and Princess Cays. Hang on people, RED FLAG# 26 is coming up! I purchased the drink package. Oh boy!

CHAPTER 12

Bon Voyage

We were excited and counted down the days until we set off on another adventure together. The day finally came when we started packing, getting ready to fly to Port Canaveral. On the day of the flight, I again struggled to lift her bag into the back of my truck before we headed to the airport! Come on man! There is not a chiropractor on a cruise ship!

Once onboard, we started the trip off like anyone else would do, we headed to the ship’s bar then to the room we were going to habitat for the next 6 days. I made sure to book a balcony room with full butler service. We would walk the ship exploring each feature and find places to sit and take in the views. We would watch people and laugh at them knowing they were most likely doing the same thing about us! I wanted to go dance with the hundreds of other people during the “leaving port” party on the Lido deck. She refused and told me she does not dance! RED FLAG #27: If a woman does not feel comfortable dancing in public, then she is most likely insecure about herself in many other things in her life and is not wanting other people judging her! What she does not know is when she would dance around my home, I noticed she has moves. She was sexy!

During the cruise, we enjoyed the fresh ocean air, and we experienced lots of different foods. We had great conversations and looked forward to the upcoming days together away from all the stress and anxiety of what others were thinking about our new relationship.

We started each morning off by finding her coffee and some light food for breakfast. The buffet was not that appealing to us so we would hang out at Guy’s Burgers or the Red Frog Grill. People, if you think about it, cruise ships are nothing but a floating Denny’s. So many people stand in line for food that has been frozen for weeks.

Each day we would stake out chairs by the many pools drinking beers and soaking in the sun. One day we planned an excursion in Princess Cay. This is a small private island owned by the cruise line where the only thing to do is beach things. We rented an umbrella and chairs and occasionally, we went into the ocean and held each other tight as the waves tried to break us apart. When we returned to our spot on this very small beach, a waiter would come by and sell us buckets of beer. God damn people! These buckets cost $65 for 6 beers! Hell no! We ended up buying 2 buckets! Ugh! We enjoyed the warm sun for an hour or so and decided to go back to the ship.

That night, it was the dress to impress dinner that I booked. Renna was assembling herself piece by piece. She looked really amazing and so beautiful! I’m telling you people, she let the “ladies out”. Like wow!

During our dinner, I had something I wanted to talk to her about, but my nerves got the best of me. You see, what Renna did not know is for the past month, I spent countless hours researching wedding rings and finally I pulled the trigger and placed a deposit on a 3.5 carrot solitaire cut diamond ring. It was beautiful! I wanted to find the perfect time to ask her to marry me, but I could not get the question to come out of my mouth. She must have noticed I was petrified, but It’s as if my mind and heart were playing tug of war and my tongue had no clue how to arrange the right words to come out. I just sat there and focused on how beautiful she looked!

After we finished dinner, she and I went to laugh at people taking pre-determined portraits in really corny positions while we waited in line for tonight’s show. When the line moved closer to the entrance to the theater, we found ourselves across from the jewelry store. I have always wanted a nice watch that I can be proud to wear. I mean I already have a nine thousand dollar engagement ring burning a hole in my pant pocket! She did an about face and left the line to go into the store. She came back with a box. RED FLAG# 28: Though she is being very thoughtful, spontaneous spending when you have little to no money is not a good idea!

After the cheesy show, we went to the casino to try our luck at roulette and again, I was killing it. She was not doing so well so I cashed in and we looked for something else to do.

CHAPTER 13

The Battle

When it was time to leave the casino, she insisted we go to the room to freshen up. Keep in mind she and I have been drinking Jamisson and Starry all day and the night was young. Got to love the drink package! I could tell she was tipsy and as we entered the room, I said “baby, you look too good to settle for the night!”. Keep in mind I still wanted to pop the question but not in our cabin. The next thing I know, my world flipped upside down.

To my surprise, she flew off the handle and started drilling me on what she thought were my faults. People, I am not a perfect man and I have made some hurtful decisions in my life that I regret to this day. She continued firing missiles in my direction. The final one was a heat seeking bomb that hurt me the most. She told me “I know why your kids hate you!”. I was shocked. Here I am wanting to spend the rest of my life with this woman and now our relationship was on a downward trend because of the hurtful words she released! My kids love me but they did pull away ever since I started seeing Renna. My 23 year old daughter stopped calling me or making plans with me to catch up on her life. My son tried hard to accept Renna but he too felt odd hanging around her. Recently, both my kids came over to my home and we sat and talked for a while. The topic of Renna came up and both my kids told me they were turned off by her overwhelming attempt to gain their acceptance of her and our relationship. My kids wanted nothing to do with her! Now, let’s get back to the battle!

The next day after we spent the night like two enemies in a major war during a brief cease fire. We packed up and I stealth fully hid the ring box in my socks then placed it in my luggage while she was in the bathroom. We then limped off the ship. Later that day, she tried to apologize for her belligerence, and I did my best to accept it but deep down I knew we were close to being done. We had an extra day to spend in Orlando, so we went to Sea World to waist some time. Remember people, she cannot ride roller coasters due to her heart condition, so we looked at a lot of marine life. The next day we headed to the airport and boarded our flight home.

During the flight, I was crushed! I replayed the night of the battle over and over in my head. Literally, I went from wanting to marry this beautiful woman to thinking how to get out of this relationship in the flick of switch. Once we made it back, we returned to normal life and I started to forgive her and she did get better on her approach to our discussions. The things she said during the last night on the cruise stuck with me. I knew it was alcohol that caused her to spill her true feelings and I don’t think I can ever get past that. We continued like a normal couple pretending the bad things never took place. That my friends is call mutual denial!

CHAPTER 14

Fast Forward

I would get up early to get ready for work so she could sleep in since her shift did not start until 10am. I am in construction and hold a high level position with a major home builder. I am accustomed to waking up at 4am to start my day. I would be very careful and slip out of bed to go to one of the other bedrooms to watch news. I did not want to bother her slumber whatsoever by turning on the TV! She would get pissed if I did! When she did wake up, she would always complain to me and make stupid statements like “Oh, I see you slept in the other bedroom last night.” I never did. RED FLAG #29: When a woman who makes false claims against you not knowing the facts and the steps you took to make sure she was refreshed the next morning, rethink everything about why you’re still with her. It is now getting old, but I still tried to make her feel loved. Let me be honest, I was deeply in love with her.

Some more time went by, and she was experiencing sever shoulder pain as a result from her spill in Hawaii. She ended up needing shoulder surgery and was out of work for 8 to 9 weeks. The only income she makes is when she works so that compelled me to pay for her North Mexico mortgage twice, her car payment that she shares with the wedding guy, and meals, etc. She never thanked me for any of my good deeds. When the wedding guy was moving out, he took his washer and dryer with him. I even purchased a new set! Her son who lives there had to wash his clothes right?

Over the next few weeks, we would bicker and I always noticed she was on her phone. I recently learned from a good source that when ever we did have an argument Renna would call the wedding guy crying. RED FLAG# 30: Ladies, when your partner sees you on your phone every second when you are together, it’s a clear sign your talking to someone! Don’t tell me that “you’re playing games!” Come on, your phone has a power off button for a reason! Pay attention to what you have right in front of you and be happy that you have a roof over your head and you don’t have to pay for anything. In addition to this, the reason you called your ex-boyfriend after a fight, is to gauge the level of his interest in you just in case the argument lead to break up, you can have a safety net to avoid being alone.

I started to feel disengaged from her because I was now having thoughts that she was using me.

CHAPTER 15

The Break Up

On July 5th of this year, I learned some shocking and life altering news about her past that was not disclosed to me during our many conversations getting to know each other. I knew she had 2 previous marriages and that she had two kids from two different fathers. That is common in today’s dating life. I completely understood and accepted it. What set me back, causing me to reflect on the why the hell did I kiss her that night is the fact that she has been married 8 times! RED FLAG #30.5: Now people, I am a person who will take 10% of what I hear and believe it. Ten people told me the same thing about her past 8 marriages. That makes it 100% fact! I would never have advanced this cindering romance and left her alone! I kept this little secret of hers to myself and did not tell her I knew. I wanted to see if I could get over this huge deal breaker for me. At the same time, we started to fall apart emotionally to the point I did not even want to have sex with her anymore. She would be on her phone and I am positive she was texting other guys. Our relationship was failing. Sad, I know but once a man realizes he made a huge mistake, he figures a way out of it.

On July 11th, Renna was lying in my bed, and I was at work when she sent me a text message. In her text, she said that “she can feel that we are growing apart and she wants to make a change”. Keep in mind that I am full of emotions and anger because all the past few months of horrible words we fired back and forth, especially on the cruise, are embedded in my mind. That text message was all I needed to read in order to get this breakup in motion.

I spent all day strategizing how I would approach this pending difficult conversation we needed to have. I arrived at my house (which she referred to her friends as hers). That pissed me off because I worked hard for this amazing sanctuary that I continue to call home for 24 years. I agree that she did live here for a little over a year and I can understand her delusional thoughts that her name was on the deed. It simply was not.

I arrived home and after our intense and, eventually relationship ending conversation, I told her to move out. She immediately went to her phone and changed her FB status to single. RED FLAG# 31: If you must rely on social media to immediately post your relationship status moments after another break up, you are a narcissistic person who solely relies on impressing other people who give you positive feedback on your status, posts, or your filtered selfies by my pool showing off your breasts.

CHAPTER 16

Current day

Three weeks after we ended, I was coming to terms with my decision to break up. One morning, I was walking her dog she abandoned with me. I came around the corner of my street and low and behold, her car is parked in the driveway of my neighbor at 7am. She is now 48 yrs old and he is 28 which is the same age as her oldest son and my son! This sight of her car over there destroyed me and I was forced to seek help that day so I made an appointment with a relationship coach.

My therapist says she is trying to quickly get back to the level of our relationship with someone so she does not have to worry about having to start over from scratch. She is not wanting to experience the hard hitting emotions and pain of being dumped when she is always the dumper. Let’s talk about the watch she purchased for me.

We are currently in “no contact” but I still have friends that I want to see at the bar. I know! I know! Why do I still go there given it could add more pain and suffering for me? It’s called finding closure! I took my watch off while talking to the grabber and placed it on the bar top. I asked the server to place it in the till knowing Renna would be working the next day. I am in the mindset that I want nothing that reminds me of her in my life. All the clothes and shoes she bought me over the past two years went right to Goodwill.

Shortly after our breakup, I gave her the opportunity to come pick up her holiday stuff she brought here from her North Mexico home. She picked up 60% of it. The rest went to Goodwill the next morning. That was the last time I spoke to her!

It's been 2 months of seeing her car come and go now that she is living there full time. Man, it has been tough! What she does not know is all my neighbors I have known for 20+ years are asking me "hey, why is her car that has been parked in your driveway now parked over there?" I tell them the short version of this memoir and we chuckle! When she arrives home after her shift, she immediately opens my neighbor’s garage door and disappears! Renna will always maneuver through life in this way! She cannot handle being alone. I’m learning how and it’s working!

CHAPTER 17

Coincidental Sighting

Something strange took place this past Sunday and I can’t explain it. I wanted to get out of the house, so I ordered an Uber to go to a local dog friendly grill. Halfway there I got this strange and overwhelming feeling that Renna and her new man would be there. Sure enough, I enter the grill and to my shock, I walk right past them. She was tucked in the corner hiding from people she knew and to be honest, she looked like his mother! When she saw me walk in, she turned white as a ghost and started squirming. I did not make eye contact and I enjoyed the football games chatting with other fans next to me. I had no clue she would be there but something inside me told me this was going to happen. Perhaps it is the diminishing intense spiritual connection we shared for years.

About an hour or so later I ordered an Uber home and walked right past them without saying a word! I surprised myself when I started to feel elated! A huge feeling of relief washed over me, and I could start feeling myself coming back to life!

CONCLUSION

So! Whoever is reading this may ask why did he tittle this memoir “The Seed Farm”? Let’s think about this… All five or more of the guys Renna has dated since 2018 were customers at her bar and possibly her tattoo guy. I was one of them too and regret ever giving her that amazing kiss. What I have come to realize is, her game is to slowly plant seeds in the minds of future men by flirting with them or rubbing her boobs on their back even though she is in a relationship. She uses her place of employment as if it was her farm that she can plant seeds to one day harvest when the time is right. As I now look back at the time of our kiss, it was not a kiss at all. She was working on her farm, and I was ripe for the taking! She knew that one day, her relationship with her current victim would fail, or she would get bored of him and the timing was perfect for her. When her relationship with the wedding guy got stale, she quickly cultivated another partner (ME), so she does not have to feel loneliness or pain from the loss of a partner. It’s called psychological displacement.

What I am now finding odd is the same regulars that congratulated me for landing her, now shake my hand for lasting the longest! Some regulars told me I dodged a bullet just like in the Matrix movies. Great! I should have listened to her co-worker who told me to be careful, she uses people for her gain! I messed up and I am now paying the price emotionally. I mean when you break up with someone, you never imagine they will hook up with your 28-year-old neighbor, or you are forced to see her come and go on your street so quickly. Having to respond to the many questions from my neighbors that we now share continues to be humiliating for me. I completely missed 33 RED FLAGS that could have saved me a lot of heartache and emotional trauma. If I had paid closer attention to my intuitions, I would be fifty thousand dollars richer. Yeah! That’s how much I paid over the past two years with her.

The three saving graces for me now are 1. Her new man is an ex-convict for selling meth. 2. I only lost $3,500 of the $9,500 ring I bought, and 3. I broke up with her.

I hoped she would have learned from the level of love I gave her, but she simply cannot grow emotionally nor can she out run her past and I am happy to have had the strength to finally see through her with the help of some good friends.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you about the last tattoo she has. High up on her neck hidden by her long black hair is a tattoo of a Black Widow. I strongly believe that what you permanently ink on your body is a direct reflection of you, your values, your character, and your experiences going through life. Black Widow spiders immediately eat the male after mating, and they can also be found making webs around The Seed Farm!

The true lesson from this is always respect yourself and don’t think with your dick! Period! After many therapy sessions, I have come to realize that Renna and I were never Boyfriend/Girlfriend, it was just my turn! If you think about it, all the Disney Princesses she had tattooed all over her body each have a beautiful castle to live in. Thank God I did not have the courage to ask her to marry me that night on the cruise! She would finally have a castle of her own!

I am getting better each day and feeling more like my old self. The key to suffering through a breakup even if I was the dumper, is to face the emotions, feelings, and pain head on! Have a conversation with each of them and learn to live alone so you can heal from the trauma of her rebounding so quickly with one of our neighbors. I

am now taking better care of myself and cut back on beer. I am down 46 lbs and about to hit my goal! I am also creating new values in my life that will one day attract a better person than Renna will ever hope to be!

Now, if I were to see Renna and we talked, the first thing I would say is “GET OFF MY FUCKING STREET!”

Take care and thanks for reading my story.

Update:

On 10/15/24, I made it a point to meet friends at her work knowing she would be behind the bar. You see, I am close to being over her now and I wanted to make sure she fully understood why I asked her to leave my house. I printed this story and placed it in a manilla folder and set it on the bar top while I enjoyed conversations with the Regulars. Immediately, my cell blew up with texts telling me “Renna is so pissed that you are here!” I shrugged it off. I admit it was hard to see her, but I noticed everything about her was different. Her voice sounded odd, her mannerisms were out of wack, and she aged too. Perhaps she was flustered to see me normal again having fun like when we started hanging out? IDK. When I asked her for the bill, she returned and nearly threw the tray at me. What I have come to learn is that I am the only one that is a threat to her way of life right now! I’m not intentionally trying to break them up. I am trying to wake him up! The issue I have is he is young and has no idea what he has gotten himself into. The problem is, she does! I have no animosity towards him, but I will tell you that I 100% know is future and it’s grim!

Before I left the bar, I paid the bill with cash because there is no way I was giving her my card. I tucked the money inside the folder with this story in it, leaving just a hint of it to be seen then said my goodbyes to the regulars and I left.

The pilot friend texted me that she refused to pick up the folder and money because she thought I was serving her legal documents for some odd reason. I laughed at that! When I made it home, texts continued to flow to my phone like a play-by-play baseball announcer. “Ok, she’s back in the kitchen…Ok she came out and is looking pissed off!”. After closing the bar, I was told by fellow co-workers that she stayed and read this entire story. I had no intentions of hurting her last night. I simply wanted her to read my perception of our relationship, so she understands my side and to stop planting seeds in the minds of vulnerable men! You will never find true happiness if you continue to harvest your crops!

During our short but meaningful relationship, there were genuine heartfelt moments I left out of my story where I felt loved and appreciated. She reciprocated and to this day, I am struggling to let go all the way! I am finally getting some closure even though, to this day, it pains me to see her drive on my street!