Decades ago, I met this girl at the Eastcliff Nightclub (long gone) and we got on pretty well. I suggested we meet up during the week to which she agreed and said: “I’ll be here (the Eastcliff) on Thursday. Catch you then.”

“Okay,” I replied, feeling optimistic. “That’ll be great!”

After feeling a little excited all week, Thursday finally arrived. I got ready: shaved, bathed, shampooed, and dressed and then drove off feeling a little nervous.

I parked up and made my way to the entrance.

Once in, I looked for her but couldn’t see her at first. But then I did, and she was at the bar with a whole load of her friends. I waved weakly in her direction and several of her friends looked over with one whispering in her ear – it didn’t look good. I then decided to sit down at the first available free table and maybe catch her alone at some point. I ordered a shandy and found a table on the edge of the dance-floor but not too far from the bar where she was hanging about.

After a bit I realized that she wasn’t going to come over and because I couldn’t drink, I’d never get the courage to approach her. I also imagined her friend saying to her: “God he’s awful, he’s skinny, spotty and got a big nose, you can do sooooo much better…”

It was all going pear-shaped.

But that wasn’t the worst of it because it suddenly occurred to me that the table I was sitting at, even though it had a tablecloth, was the one used for the glass collectors to put the used and empty glasses on. So not only did I feel a right lemon I was also slowly disappearing behind a small mountain of glasses.

Finally, I gave up and decided to leave quietly and accept my loss. But even that wasn’t to be because as I stood up, I caught the tablecloth with my leg and dragged all the glasses onto the floor smashing most of them. Everybody looked round at the crash including all her disapproving friends. All I did was wrap up the smashed glass in the tablecloth and dump it on the table. I then walked out hoping I wouldn’t get the bill for all the damage I’d accidentally caused…

Oh well happy memories…