Do They Understand

By Jaystone

I tried to talk to her in a sensible way, but the bitch wouldn't listen. It could be me doing things all wrong as I usually do, but I don't think so this time. Fuck! Where are my Vicodins? I need about 5 to make this nagging pain inside to go away. Actually, it just makes me numb, so I can't hear her shit. I wonder if she hid them again?

I've looked everywhere. They can't be found. Fuck me running with dull scissors. Dam nit! Hey, bitch where are my pills? Did you hide the fuckers on me again? God damn you, fucking cunt. Find my fucking pills before I go off and start breaking shit.

After intimidating her, she brought the bottle to me in what seemed like mortal fear in her eyes. Thank you, I said with a hint of agitation. I opened the bottle took 10 out and swallowed them with a glass of black tooth grin Crown Royal and Coke. I will be numb in a few moments so I won't feel nothing where no one can hurt me. In forever bliss.

After passing out for what seemed like 30 minutes was actually 4 hours, fuck, I missed my show. Hey babe, why didn't you wake me up? You fucking know I watch that show on the History Channel every Wednesday night, and you let me sleep. Fucking whore.

She went to bed and cried. This has been her ritual since they got married. High school sweethearts married when I was 17 and she 18. I was a troubled kid who came from a troubled home. My dad would beat me and call me names like he was dumb, stupid, or a nothing. She came from a similar home her real dad was a nice person, but her step dad was an alcoholic who treated her in much the same way. She falls asleep and dreams of a life that he had promised her. She dreams of them making love, walking along the beach, caressing each other. But what happened to his promise?

I finally came to bed and saw that she was crying. I asked why are you crying babe. She said nothing dear, just feeling a little blue. Ok I said and went to sleep.

The next morning I asked her if she still loved me. She replied that she does love you babe. Good I said. Let's make love this morning. She kinda blushed and said why in a sort of whispering voice. Because I love you my dear. Ok she said. Take off your clothes baby. I went down on her and began to eat her delicate chapel. She began to moan and writhe. I looked at her face and knew she was feeling great. Ecstasy if you may. I ate till her legs began to shake and she screamed enough baby. I laughed at her, and she just hit me barely with her fist and said leave me alone. I then asked her to give me a blow job. She said ok. She began to lick and call my thing her helmet head soldier. I just laughed and then she began to make me feel grand. So much so that my feet began to curl up. Ok I said lets fuck now. I got up raised her legs and stuck my erection into her delicate chapel and we made love for about 5 minutes then I and her both had orgasm together. It was a wondrous experience.

We both got up and I said lets take a shower together. She looked at me and said why are you being so horny and full of love this morning? I just said I love you baby. We showered dried off, put on clean clothes, and then she asked what I wanted for breakfast. I said give me a couple of eggs and some bacon. Ok she said.

We both ate at the table staring into each others eyes. She still had the blush of a school girl with her first crush. It was a beautiful day.

She went to the computer after breakfast and began to play her game. I went to the living room and watched Metal Mania on VH1 Classic. They were playing some killer fucking music like Slayer, Megadeth, and Morbid Angel. Fucking right. I grabbed my bottle of pills and took 6 Vicodins, 3 bar Xanax, and 3 Klonipins. A cocktail I have done many times before. After Metal Mania, I began to flick through the channels. Fuck, we pay 150.00 a month and nothing is on. So I will put on my Down Nola cd and jam to their southern groove.

About an hour had passed. She was in the kitchen cleaning and doing whatever else she does, when suddenly I felt a sharp pain go through my chest. I sit there for a moment and just thought it was just heartburn or something, then it happened again and I fell off the couch, hit my head on the coffee table and could hardly breathe. I tried to mumble to her, but she couldn't hear because of the music being so loud. The pains in my chest were unbearable. I felt my life began to drift away. I died.

       She still cleaning came into to living room to check on me and when she saw me on the floor, she started crying and went over to check on me. She felt my pulse. Nothing. She became hysterical. She picked up the phone and called the ambulance service and told them that she thought her husband was dead.

They arrived about 15 minutes later came into the door, and saw her crying. They asked her to leave the room. They did all they could, but I was still laying there dead. They asked what happened; she in tears didn't exactly know what had happened. One of the E.M.T. drivers looked at the pill bottles and asked if he had a drug abuse problem. She said yes he did. He said he probably overdosed. She began to cry louder. A lady E.M.T. officer took her outside and tried to consul her.

His funeral was held on July 28th just 2 days before his 35th birthday. All his life he lived in fear that he didn't have any friends, but at the funeral, it was standing room only. His brother got up and read a poem that his deceased brother had written entitled "Do They Understand"

Life is more than we perceive

Just when we think we have it made, we are deceived.

Nothing more can this world offer but hurt

Hurt which cuts a man down to his very bone

He has family and friends but still feels alone.

What more can one ask for in this world,

All we ever want is peace

A peace which we can't even imagine

Days go by and night too

What more is there to receive?

To the ones who give love,

Love is given back in a way no one understands

If only they could peek into my mind and see

They would see I truly do love

I do hope one day they will understand.

Till then I wonder do they understand me

Am I truly a man free?

Bound by my chains of animosity

I wish life was much better

But I truly don't understand.

The funeral home all gave a sort of gasp at the end of the poem. His wife was crying as well as the rest of his family and friends. Throughout it all do we truly understand what a gift life is? Given to us to live in perfect freedom and perfect love. This is what we need to understand. This is what we all need to grasp and realize that death is nothing more than a by product of life. So we must make the most of our alloted time since our great tragedy is that we do die. And this is what makes us as humans vulnerable.