103

By: Brandon Clark

Sweat dripping down my forehead, my whole body aches. I feel so tired, I haven't eaten in days. It feels like Torture but I realize that I have inflicted it on myself. Why? I ask myself why do I do this everyday; I wake up at 5 to come in and torture myself, no breakfast and barely any Water. I go to school and am weak with hunger and can only sleep, I cannot concentrate on my work because of my thirst and the empty Feeling in my stomach. After school I got to another two and a half hours of hell, still I run and work out, three sweatshirts, and two pair of sweatpants not to mention the 90-degree room in the middle of December. I am Drenched with sweat surprisingly, because I can barely move with how weak I am. I think to myself again why? Why do I do this to myself? Coach yelling and a Massive headache all I can think about is food, something I haven't experienced in two days. I feel like collapsing but I can't, I would be letting the team down, besides tomorrow is a meet. Just one more day and you can eat your only 5 pounds over c'mon you can do this. After Practice I go step on the scale107. I feel like crying. I get home and I tell my mom I can't eat. Why did I have to tell her that. She doesn't understand that this is a sport of Discipline. Only my Dad seems to understand but all my mom can think about is me not eating. "I'm going to have a talk with coach" she says. I can barely muster the words "Mom don't worry about it. I'm not even hungry." I was Lying. I had been starving myself for the past 2 days and felt guilty about drinking the glass of water to swallow the Tylenol for my headache. I take a shower and go to bed. Screw any homework I have I think to myself. I don't know what I'm doing anyways. I hear my alarm clock but I don't want to. 5:30 I feel like I just fell asleep. "Mom I need a ride to school", "ok" she says in a pissed off voice. I go into school and don't bother to weigh in when I get there. I am too afraid. I stumble through practice, being trashed talked by my teammates, saying, "How much do you weigh? What did you do go home and heat a cow?" I shrug them off and keep going, as hard as my body will let me. After practice I weigh in 105. I think only 2 more pounds I can do this, but I know deep down that I can't and that I will have to run as soon as school gets out. I sleep Through Band, and put on my sweatpants and sweatshirts and run during P.E. The rest of the day I try and sleep. I don't even want to go to lunch. The Smell of it makes me sick, and I know that I couldn't stand to see it around me. After School I go in and weigh, 104.4, so close yet so far. I stick on all my clothes I can find and turn the heat up to 95 degrees. For the next hour I run my ass off. I have to loose it I think. I'm not going to get my varsity letter if I don't. Again I weigh myself. 103 even with a half an hour before weigh ins. Just don't eat or drink anything I say to myself. 103 is shouted and me and some other kid go up side by side and weigh in. He looks like a Brute, One of those kids that it seems there is no way they weigh what they do. I know I'm going to get my ass kicked. Finally I can eat, I drink a whole Gatorade and scarf down 2 peanut butter and honey sandwiches. I feel sick but am glad to be able to eat. I am dreading my match. I know I will let my team down.

The crowd is shouting, my teammates and coach are yelling, and I can't hear a thing. My concentration is on my opponent, The only other thing I hear is the cheerleaders chanting "Go Brandon Go, Do your best, Remember you are wrestling for OHS!" the whistle blows and I start circling, it hasn't been 10 seconds and the guy has already got me on my stomach but I am still fighting, I didn't not eat for three days to give up that easy. It seems to happen so quick, I am on my back and the Ref slaps his hand 3 inches away from my face. A feeling of grief comes over me; I got pinned in the First Period. I have let my team down. And I ask myself. Why?